PERVERTS AND PR CAMPAIGNS: MR PLAYBOY BUDGIE SMUGGLERS AND THE BUDGET BLOW JOB

First Published April 2015

Let’s be honest here. Nearly every single one of us who visits nude beaches around Australia has encountered sexual harassment at least once. In a recent visit to an unofficial nude beach, I experienced such behaviour. It is an issue that the mass media often brings to public attention. But is it really the problem our critics have identified? Or is there more to this issue lying beneath the surface? Rather than keep silent about my experience, I am sharing it openly in an effort to expose the real reason for the negative media attention focused on clothing optional public beaches.

Miners Beach, Port Macquarie

Whilst in Port Macquarie visiting friends there, I one day decided to visit the local nude beach, Miners Beach. In usual fashion, I began packing a small bag to take with me to the beach. I put several items in the bag, some food, some water, some treats and some loose change and a five dollar note. One of my friends seeing an opportunity to make fun of me said, “What’s the money for? You gonna buy drugs at beach or something?” Thinking that a cheeky question deserved a cheeky answer I said, “No, I thought I'd try my luck for a budget blow job.”

These words were to haunt me later that day on the beach. The utterance of this statement in jest was like a magical incantation where the very genie I talked of was summoned. On arrival to the beach, I had scarcely finished laying out my towel and got comfortable to enjoy some nude sunbathing, out comes the subject matter of my sick humour. Nothing extra-ordinary, he was approximately 60 years old and shared the physique of many other men his age on nude beaches around Australia. But his Playboy budgie smugglers that were tiny in proportion to his body were the prominent feature. The man would have looked better nude rather than sporting his chosen attire and he wouldn’t have looked so out of place. Sirens start going off in my in my head. Mr Playboy Budgie Smugglers says, “Your new here aren’t you?” I replied, “I’m just travelling through. Thought I’d check out the local nude beach.” Mr Playboy Budgie Smugglers says, “Would you like me to give you a guided tour of the beach?”

While I realise his offer to take me on this tour is not in any way selfless, I agree to go on this walk with him. Nothing like local knowledge to inform you. Although by this stage I am keeping a safe distance from him. He takes me on the kilometre long walk to the top end of the beach and back, pointing out the landmarks along the way, telling me when beach structures were put into place to allow people to cross more easily from the south side of the beach to the north side. Just as we are getting back near my original spot he points towards some mangroves and confirms my suspicions:

“That’s a nice quiet and peaceful spot over there, we can have a suck there.” I calmly reply back, “I didn’t know that was on the agenda today.” Thankfully, my genie disappears and goes from whence he came from.

The track to Miners Beach offers spectacular views of sub-tropical rainforest and wildlife.

While I derive amusement at these kind of incidents and tend to laugh them off, I realise they are most distressing for others. But not only that, the actions of people such as this provide cannon fodder for those who jealously covet our picturesque nude beaches for themselves. Approaches from men seeking other men in this manner is not likely to go away any time soon. Listed on a site named “Cruising Gays City Hookup Guide”, Miners Beach like many other nudist beaches and other public places is listed as a pickup site with this description:

“Get some nice head jobs. some healthy guys. Great to get the gear off being a nudist beach. a few old guys if your into that. Southern end of beach is where I believe you go to have more then a head job. Crowd: males and females. between 20 to 65 years.”

This article is not intended as a beat-up of gay people. Straight people are no better or no worse for negotiating sexual meetings online at our nudist beaches. Furthermore, people should be allowed to meet prospective dating partners on nude beaches as people do in other social settings, such as church social groups, political organisations or at sports clubs, parks and gyms. But like other social institutions, a there is a clear demarcation line drawn. Sexual acts which can be seen by members of the public are prohibited. Nudist beaches, like their clothed counterparts are no exception. Advertisements such as this are irresponsible because they normalise open sexual behaviour in public places and provide popular haunts to people such as Mr Playboy Budgie Smugglers.

The real problem is that Miners Beach like so many unofficial nude beaches, is at a crossroads. For many years it provided a secluded environment, perfect for nude bathing because it was accessible only to those with a reasonable level of fitness and local geographical knowledge. Recently, following the construction of wooden walkways and staircases that provide easier access over the high headlands, the once secluded environment is now only minutes from the town centre. For people like ex-Independent State and Federal MP Rob Oakeshott, who was the driving force behind the development which provided access to Miners Beach from Port Macquarie CBD and Lighthouse Beach for tourists and locals alike, has issues with Miners Beach remaining a nude beach in the Port Macquarie area. He said:

“Miners Beach is not the secluded beach it once was and is not a suitable area for a nude beach”.

I am always sceptical when I read of developers plans to ‘upgrade’ facilities in or near places where nudists have traditionally gathered, alongside suggestions to remove the nude or unofficial nude status of such places. What follows is usually an anti-nudist public relations campaign run by consortiums which include property developers, hotel or motel corporations, cafes and restaurants to name a few. These campaigns attempt to persuade the public that our beaches are riddled with perverts by holding up anecdotal examples like Mr Playboy Budgie Smugglers.

Nude sunbathing at Miners Beach.

This is exactly what has happened In Bunbury, Western Australia. Only last month, the West Australian documented a website that was directing people to Mindalong Beach as a place to have sex with strangers. The article documented that offending took place where families and children walked through. It quoted a couple who said they would no longer walk their dog through the area.

The timing of the article is interesting to say the least. With construction of the Mindalong Beach Viewing Platform last year5 and extensive real estate development in Mindalong Heights, especially on Mindalong Close and Ocean Drive which overlooks the beach6, the scenario is similar to the one at Miners Beach. Properties in this area are being sold for in excess of $700 000. It is listed on Google as, “One of the first up market Bunbury Subdivisions. A lot of the area overlooks the Indian Ocean and contains some superb homes.” The stories of indecent behaviour on nude beaches generally manifest themselves on completion of new development and infrastructure.

Yet, indecent behaviour on beaches is not confined solely to nude beaches. Between 1976 and 1992, Police statistics recorded 14 incidents of offensive conduct in the Reef Beach area, one of two New South Wales beaches trialled by Premier Neville Wran for nude bathing. This represents less than one indecency offence for every year, a figure most likely less than most clad public beaches. Wran at the time cited the absence of criminal and sexual offences at the two beaches as evidence of the success of unclad bathing. Yet, media attention is seldom paid to incidents of unlawful sexual activity on clothed beaches, rendering the efforts of journalists and pressure groups to force closure of nude beaches on the basis of indecency as shallow, uninformed and hypocritical.

Fortunately, the power to remove the unofficial nude status of Miners Beach lies with the Port Macquarie- Hastings Council and they have no plans to make nude bathing a thing of the past. At the time of Oakeshott’s tenure as Independent MP for the Port Macquarie area, their general manager said:

“The signs put in place by National Parks and Wildlife aim to help make those enjoying the coastal walk aware that the area is also shared by nudists. To date there hasn’t been any approach to Council to change this shared status.”

Local opinion of nude bathing at Miners beach is favourable. A number of correspondents wrote in after publication of the Focus Magazine article, Nude at Miners Beach in support of the beaches clothing optional status. One correspondent simplified the issue with the following statement:

“What it should come down to (if I may mangle grammar a little) is that those in charge find a way to prevent lewdness without punishing nude-ness, which of course requires that people be willing to acknowledge that there is a difference.”

The track to Miners Beach offers spectacular views of the Central New South Wales coast.

Whilst there is a legitimate problem to be addressed on our nude beaches regarding the activities of sexual deviants, media claims are profoundly exaggerated. They are motivated by individuals and consortiums who covet our nude beaches for themselves, rather than any real concern about indecency on nude beaches. If the concern was genuine, sexual activity on clothed beaches would also be the focus of their efforts. These aggressive public relations campaigns designed to win public support to close down our nude beaches are based solely on innuendo, myth and stereotypes. This is the real concern for nudists. As for me, that’s the last time I’ll ever make a wise crack about budget blow jobs on nude beaches.

SOURCES: 1. Cruising Gays City Hookup Guide, Miners Beach http://www.cruisinggays.com/port-macquarie/areas/15327-miners-beach/

2. ‘What a way to walk the walk’ by Lee Atkinson, TRAVELLER Apr 19 2009 http://www.traveller.com.au/what-a-way-to-walk-the-walk-a8fa

3. ‘Nude at Miners Beach’, Focus Magazine http://focusmag.com.au/pmq/featured/nude-at-miners-beach

4. Bunbury beach 'place to meet for sex by Nicole Asher, The West Australian, February 5, 2015 https://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/regional/south-west/a/26205105/bunbury-beachplace-to-meet-for-sex/

5. Project : MINDALONG BEACH VIEWING PLATFORM Cordell Construction Projects http://www.cordellconnect.com.au/public/project/ProjectDetails.aspx?uid=374816

6. City of Bunbury Planning and Building Landscape Study Part 2, Ocean Beach City of Bunbury http://www.bunbury.wa.gov.au/pdf/Planning%20and%20Building/Landscape%20Study%20 Part_2%20Ocean_Beach.pdf

7. Mindalong Heights real estate Bunbury, Google https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?mid=zaqVvUieg5I0.ke_qmWG2niEQ&ie=UTF8&oe =UTF8&msa=0

8. Australian Beach Cultures: The History of Sun, Sand and Surf by Douglas Booth pp57-58 Routledge, 2012.

9. Nude at Miners Beach, Focus Magazine http://focusmag.com.au/pmq/featured/nude-at-miners-beach

10. Nude at Miners Beach, Focus Magazine http://focusmag.com.au/pmq/featured/nude-at-miners-beach